Owing to the current increase in disease incidences in our society and
to the skyrocketing prices of imported medicines and the unwelcome fact that
some of the expensive medicines do not do what they are supposed to do (especially
to the extent we want them to), we have decided to set out and establish an
official recognition of our very own traditional medicament which can never
fail anyone as they are a product of nature. The prices should especially be a matter
of particular user friendliness as they are negotiable to the point of comedy. As
for the mode of preparation or sourcing of ingredients this is where we hope to
conquer the pharmaceutical giants the world over, we being tropically located
are surrounded by very productive ecosystems, terrestrial and aquatic, this
being the case, except for those in cities and towns, wherever you turn your
eyes you see green and that’s the color on which your heart should rest.
Most wild animals survive by eating plants and they never
fall sick, at least not as much as domestic ones, the reason being they mix so
many varieties of plant materials they are in perpetual prophylaxis and this
ladies and gentlemen is the premise on which we decide to base our very new and
laudable “PHARMACOPOEIA TANZANIAE” in a vigorous act of shaking ourselves free
from commercial colonialism.
The first medicine we choose to acknowledge as a proven
potent universal panacea is called ‘ULATULE’ in coastal areas, its available
and used widely all over the country in various other names but the mentioned
name is used along the Indian ocean coastal strip from Rufiji to Tanga. In an
impressive departure from the inefficient practices of other pharmaceutical
approving bodies around the world ours encourages universality of function. A drug, or rather ‘the drug’ as the indefinite
article ‘the’ is most relevant in our case,(like when one discusses the sun),
should be capable of treating mostly all diseases and prevent them from
happening altogether, also ‘disease’ is defined in a wider manner, much wider
than the narrow sense with which western companies choose to do in order to
sell too many types of concoctions to extort money from ailing people. Diseases
should range from fevers, abdominal upsets, lost pregnancies, limb fractures, runaway
lovers, underperforming businesses etc. Actually whatever complains brought up
by a ‘patient’ should be within the treatable spectrum as the method with which
the ingredients are sourced leaves no room for an ailment to fall out of the
said spectrum.
Effort should be made as much as possible to gather the
barks of as many varieties of plants as possible as well as roots, scratch away
the grains from as many types of rocks as possible (clue: wild animals are
known to lick rocks),also on account that when a snake is taking herbs for
treating another and you see it by chance, it runs after you aggressively
implying the potency of a herb derives also from secrecy in procuring it, we
recommend, its usual practice but here we are setting up a legal framework, that
all herbs should henceforth be sourced in total secrecy, preferably at night
and if possible without clothing so as to avoid the overly inquisitive people
from forensically extracting information
from the clothes of the herbs man/woman.
Having set out the preliminaries, the advantages of our medical
field cannot be over emphasized, a mixture of all the above ingredients can be accommodated
in a single bag and all one needs to dispense medicines from that point on is a
spoon. The amount dispensed is solely a function of the amount of money
received, dosage is liberal. Again too many conditionalities are a hindrance to
herbal practice so if a user of drugs should feel like taking alcohol there is
no need why they should not. Such conditions are provided to patients by western
trained practitioners so as to create an atmosphere of fear and intimidate
their patients, we are a free people.
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